Couples

Our Relational Therapy is based primarily on Relational Life Therapy pioneered by Terry Real.

Breaking the Rules of Traditional Relational Therapy

Designed to bring deep healing and changes that last

You can’t connect to a relationship if you can’t connect to a person, and you can’t connect to a person if you can’t connect to yourself. RLT first reconnects people to themselves—their feelings, desires, and needs—and then reconnects them to their relationships.

What makes RLT unique is…

• Lasting Change -- Traditional therapy heals through nurture, but this isn’t enough for permanent change. RLT goes even further, equipping people with the lifelong relational skills they need for lasting change.
• Results -- Letting therapy drag on can be detrimental to clients, especially those in crisis. RLT uses a powerful combination of techniques to get to the root of negative behaviors, understand where they came from, and teach individuals how to change them.
  
• Dramatic Transformations -- The idea that character is fixed is outdated. Character is changeable, and through RLT, we can teach people to transform negative beliefs and behaviors, often dramatically and sometimes immediately.
• Healing Trauma in the Partner’s Presence -- In traditional therapy, trauma work is done individually. But opening up such levels of vulnerability in their partner’s presence helps people go much deeper for more remarkable transformations.
• Tackling Shame and Grandiosity -- Modern therapy often focuses on bringing people up from shame. RLT is concerned with both shame and grandiosity to help couples achieve healthy levels of self-esteem—working with both is necessary for relationships and individuals to heal.
• Radical Honesty -- We don’t shy away from directly but compassionately telling clients what they’re doing to harm their relationships. We tell them what to do in certain situations so they can have a corrective emotional experience with their partner over and over.
• We Take Sides -- Often, therapists remain neutral, never siding with one partner. But relationships are rarely 50/50, so in RLT, we explicitly side with the disempowered partner to restore balance in the relationship.
• Therapists and Clients Are Equal -- In RLT, therapists aren’t above clients as experts, nor are we simply facilitators. We’re right there in the thick of it with them, sharing our own experiences of relational living to inspire, motivate, and build trust.

How is this relational therapy different from what I've tried before?

Many folks go to therapy and find that it is one gripe session after another without any real progress being made toward their goals. Often therapy does not get to the "how-to's" of relational repair.

Our relational therapy is more directive than other approaches and focuses on building the skills that have been shown to be effective in repairing damaged relationships.

What is a relational therapy session usually like?

Once a thorough history is taken, emphasis is placed on clarifying treatment goals.  Once goals are clarified, emphasis is placed on learning and developing skills that the couple will use between sessions to repair their relationship.  The next session will include a review of the couple's experience of using the tools.  Any obstacles or stuck points will be used for coaching and clarification and the process will generally repeat.

How long do sessions usually last?

Generally the length of each session and the number of sessions is determined with each couple based on a variety of factors including the level of crisis, time and budget.  The initial session is scheduled on a Friday and lasts 2 hours ($300) and the following session are about a 90 minutes every 1-2 weeks depending on the client's needs and availability ($300).  We do not bill insurance for these sessions as most insurance providers do not cover "couples therapy".  Self-pay only.

What sorts of skills and tools are likely to be discussed?

In addition to a thorough history and a clarification of goals, some of the tools and skills discussed include the following:

• The most important keys to successful relational repair
• How to have the best chance win your spouse's heart back
• How to help your spouse feel loved
• How to communicate effectively without blame and have the best chance for results
• How to stop having the same arguments over and over
• How to stay on topic during a disagreement
• How to have a good complaint department
• What to do when you feel overheated
• Recognize what you need to feel loved
• Better understand our destructive cycle and how to break out of it
• How to recover from an extra-marital affair
• What to do when my spouse says he/she does not love me anymore
• How to request what you need from your spouse
• How to respond when your spouse makes a request
• Common ways relationships get stuck and how to get out of them
• How to repair your relationship even if your spouse does not want to

What is your experience and success rate with couples who are in crisis?

Michael has many years experience in working with couples in a variety of settings.  His own marriage of over 25 years been a learning opportunity from the many trials and struggles of any marriage.  Our approach has been shaped largely by the work of Pia Mellody (Post Induction Therapy), Terry Real (Relational Life Therapy), and others in the field of relational repair.  (The Couples Institute, Esther Perel)

What do I need to do go get started?

Please call our office to schedule an appointment at 501-701-0088 or you can click the link below to schedule an appointment.  We look forward to hearing from you!